US not happy with British tactics

From Mad Guerilla Brigade:

US Pressuring Britain to Declare War on Someone
British government continues to insist on actually catching those responsible

LONDON (MGB) - As the extensive investigation into the London bombings continues to move forward, a 23-year old man became the first person in Britain to face criminal charges in the attack.

In light of this development, and the additional 20 suspects already in custody (sure to be even more by the time this article is up), representatives of the United States have asked British authorities to bring the investigation to a halt and hurry up and invade somebody already.

From the beginning United States law enforcement officials have expressed their dissatisfaction with the way British officials have been handling the investigation; calling their emphasis on "evidence," "apprehending suspects" and "bringing those responsible to justice" counterproductive.

US officials point to several countries, such as Iran and Syria, which are not only ripe for invading, but are practically begging for it. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was especially vocal in his distaste for the British longing for justice and closure.

"That's just sick! They're a sick country with sick people in charge! You can't win a War on Terror™ or even a Struggle Against Global Extremism© by making arrests and finding evidence and blah blah blah! You need to pick a country and just freakin' go nuts! Here, here's a map… just close your eyes and point and go to fucking town! If that was good enough for the United States of America its certainly good enough for some little backwards old world turd like Great Britain."

Instead of responding to the US's pleas, British law enforcement has chosen to virtually ignore Sec. Rumsfeld and virtually every representative of US law enforcement in what many are calling a really smart move.

Meanwhile Londoners are expressing concerns that the nightmare might not yet be over. Some are beginning to wonder if perhaps the Americans have it right with their cowboy brand of international diplomacy.

"All I know is the Americans haven't been attacked again," said Jennifer Felching of London. "My children are very young and frightened and the way I see it is if we were to invade someone now, by the time my children are eligible for military service, the war should be over. In the meantime the terrorists would be focused on killing our soldiers in whatever country we invade so we wouldn't have to worry about any more bombings here. It seems to me to be a win-win situation."

Despite the concerns of Felching and others like her, Sir Ian Blair, Commissioner of Scotland Yard, is urging citizens to remain calm and go about their lives as the investigation continues.

"Londoners should know that every effort is being made to secure their safety. Our program of racial profiling and shoot to kill tactics are producing incredible results. Obviously many people have heard about the Brazilian fellow who was tragically killed but you rarely read about all the people we've shot who weren't Brazilian. Now those statistics are enough to make any American police officer green with envy."